he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
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