The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
