i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
