He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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