dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
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I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
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Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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