my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
