Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
