I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
