If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
