That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
