If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
