Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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