im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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