Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize