we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
