She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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