I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
