conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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