He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
