.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
