So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
