i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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