Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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