This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
