When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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