I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
