Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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