I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
