I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
