You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
