I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
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I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
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I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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