farters have to be the big spoon...
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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