i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
