It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
