Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
