I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
