A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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