Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
