he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
