Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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