Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
