The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
