what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
