hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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