how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
