no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
please come you make the beer taste better
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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