Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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