i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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