I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your shirt... Was in my pants
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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