If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize