Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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