I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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