there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
