So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
