Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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