babies were throwing up all over the place
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
