ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
