hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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