Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
