Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
