Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
