I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
