Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
