is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
