Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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